Gram
by I Run With Sporks
Summary: In which Kenny is introduced to Tammy's parent substitute. (Also, the only reason this is rated T is due to around, say, two seconds of swearing. Only reason. Not very exciting, I'm afraid.)


**Hey.**

**Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. HEEEEEEY.**

**I bet you can't guess what I don't own!**

**No? Wow, you're dumb. SOUTH PARK!**

"So we've been together for a while now," Tammy began, unwrapping a strawberry flavored pop tart. "And I think it might be time to...well, you know. Take it to the next level."

Kenny blinked.

The two were sitting on Tammy's front porch, eating out of a box of mixed flavor pop tarts. The scene had seemed far too peaceful for Tammy to spring this on him.

"The next level? We've been dating for like, a week, tops."

Tammy looked at him strangely. "How long do your relationships usually last?"

Kenny pondered this for a moment, then admitted to himself that she had a point. Damn.

"Okay, fine. Next level. Which is...what, exactly?"

"Uh..." Tammy faltered for a moment, now uncertain. "I dunno. I don't think I've ever gotten this far before...meet the parents?"

"You want to meet my parents?" Kenny's incredulity leaked into his tone. He and Tammy swapped parent horror stories all the time, and she had to know by now that his parents were at _least_ as bad as hers.

Well, almost. They were okay sometimes. But he still didn't think introducing his girlfriend to the family would end well.

Tammy winced. "Maybe not. And I don't think you'll want to meet mine."

"Probably not."

For a moment there was silence apart from the crinkling of wrappers. Kenny wondered idly how long they had before Tammy's parents got home.

"Wait a minute!" Tammy sat bolt upright. "Actually, there _is _somebody you can meet."

"Tam?"

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing here?"

Kenny and Tammy were standing outside what was unmistakably an old folks home. A sign out front proclaimed 'Looming Sunset Assisted Living Center'. Tammy smiled.

"We're here to meet somebody. Come on!"

She grabbed his hand and strode inside, marching past creaky looking old people and staff members alike. Nobody gave them a second look.

"Do you come here a lot?" Kenny asked, narrowly avoiding running into a bored looking nurse. She glanced at them briefly, then waved them on.

"Yeah. Every couple of days, once I scrape together the bus fare. Down this way.." They entered a hallway smelling strongly of disinfectant and decorated with framed pictures probably intended to make the place look homey. They didn't.

"Here." They came to a halt outside Room 243. Tammy ran her fingers through her hair as though trying to look more presentable, then knocked on the door.

For a moment there was no response. Then "You don't have to knock, Tammy."

Tammy's smile widened. Opening the door, she motioned for Kenny to enter first, following behind him.

The room held a surprising amount of furniture for such a small space. There was a neatly made bed that took up about a fourth of the space, an armchair squished into a corner, and a dark green sofa in front of a TV. Perched upon the sofa was a small, white-haired woman who was darning a pair of skeleton patterned socks. She turned to look at her guests, turning the volume down on the television.

"You always know it's me." Tammy said, sounding pleased.

"Of course I do. You're the only person who ever bothers to visit me, and the nurses around here never have the decency to knock. I have half a mind to barricade that door." The older woman smiled, motioning for a hug. Tammy complied, then stepped back, clasping Kenny's hand.

"Actually, part of the reason I came to visit today is... well... Ken, this is my Grandmother. Gram, this is my boyfriend, Ken."

"Your grandmother?" Kenny repeated.

"Your boyfriend?" Gram repeated, sounding considerably more amused then Kenny.

"Yes." Tammy said, looking patient. "My _boyfriend_, Gram. We've been dating for a we- er, a long time now, and I wanted you guys to meet each other."

She nudged Kenny with an elbow. Kenny started, then cleared his throat, feeling faintly awkward. He somehow got the feeling that having Tammy do the introducing had not made a good impression.

"Um. Hello," _'No, not like that! Old fashioned, she's old!'_ "Pleased to meet you ma'am. Your...um...your room is very nice..."

He trailed off, feeling ridiculous. The fact that Tammy seemed to be struggling not to laugh didn't help.

"Nice to meet you, young man." Gram answered dryly. "And how old are you, exactly?"

"Ten, ma'am."

"I thought as much. Tamara, neither of you are even out of elementary school. Explain to me how this constitutes as dating."

"AGHHH." Tammy massaged her forehead. "Gram, we have been OVER this. People my age date. We do that. This is a different day and age-"

"You date? How do you date? What do you do that you think of as "dating"?"

"_Gram_."

"Do you go out to eat?"

"We hang out-"

"Do you go to the movies?"

"I dunno, maybe once? We both have TVs you know, we don't have to-"

"Do you hold hands?"

"YES, we hold hands-"

"You are too young for this to be actual dating."

"Gram, we do everything you just mentioned! How is this not dating?"

"You're CHILDREN! How do you expect me to take this seriously?"

Neither of the two females seemed particularly angry, just exasperated. It seemed like an argument that had been had many times before with no clear winner.

"This is stupid." Tammy huffed, crossing her arms. "I just wanted you to meet Ken, Gram, because I really like him, and I want you to too. So do you like him or not?"

Hearing his name and realizing this concerned him, Kenny began paying proper attention again, feeling slightly anxious.

"Yes, of course I like him. He seems very nice. I have no idea how he isn't roasting alive wearing a parka inside-"

"Gram!"

"You could bake a turkey in here! They're trying to turn us into jerky, and they think we won't notice because we're old."

Kenny pulled off his hood with a relieved grin. Tammy's Gram did have a point.

They ended up visiting for longer then expected. Gram insisted on watching the SyFy Channel, which somehow turned out to be not as lame as Kenny thought it would be. Tammy, who slept at odd hours, ended up falling asleep on his shoulder halfway through an episode of Warehouse 13. He was almost sorry to wake her up to catch the bus home.

"It was good to see you," Gram told Tammy, sending her off with a hug. "Come by again soon. You come too, Ken."

And weirdly enough, Kenny thought, dragging a drowsy Tammy down the hall, he might actually do that.

He came by again a few weeks after the TGI Friday Incident. He wasn't sure why.

It might have been because of Tammy, who had no memory of their relationship after he'd come back to life again.

Hell, she didn't even remember who he was.

So coming to visit her grandmother, Kenny told himself, walking down the rubbing-alcohol scented hallway to Room 243, was a really bad idea. He'd probably run into her, and have to explain how he knew her Gram- and why her Gram didn't know him...

"This is stupid," He mumbled, stopping in front of the door. "I'm not doing this. I'm going home."

He knocked on the door.

"Dammit..."

"Come in," Gram's voice was quiet, but unmistakable. Kenny sighed, realizing he couldn't back out now.

He opened the door.

The first thing he saw was Tammy, curled up like a cat on the green sofa. She had a thing for falling asleep in weird positions...

Gram, who was sitting next to her, examined him with bright, intelligent eyes, scrutinizing every inch. He shifted from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable.

"You died." Gram said, not taking her eyes off of him. It wasn't a question.

"I did." Kenny agreed. "You remembered."

"I don't understand."

"I don't either," He admitted. "But it happens a lot."

"...I see."

"Tammy doesn't-" He stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing. "She doesn't...remember me."

"I know. I asked about you."

"You did?"

"I did. But she said she didn't know anyone named Ken."

"She doesn't remember anything," Kenny muttered, staring at the ground. It felt pathetic, telling all this to anyone, let alone Tammy's grandma. But it didn't seem_ fair._ "She doesn't even remember _us_."

"I'm sorry." And she was, which just made it worse.

"So am I."

Do you want to stay for a while?" Gram shifted, making room for another person on the sofa. "I can try introducing you again when she wakes up..."

It wouldn't work.

Even if they met all over again and started over, with him getting her to like him, and making new memories to replace the ones some sick cosmic joke had deleted from Tammy's brain, sooner or later he was just going to die again, and then the whole stupid process would start again. And again. And again. There was no way it would work out.

"I'd like that, thanks."

But he was going to do it anyway.


End file.
